Tuesday, December 1, 2009

People Who Hate Subaru Drivers

I've had my 2007 Subaru Impreza for about 3+ years now and I can tell you which drivers absolutely hate me when I'm in the driving lanes. Allow me to explain.

(This post is best listened to using the Youtube soundtrack below...)

4x4 Pickup Trucks
These guys, usually driven by young guys wearing baseball caps and hanging bull balls off the back of their truck, will usually tailgate or get really pissed off when I pass them on the highway. It's not my problem your piece of shit truck can't handle, brake, accelerate, or corner better than the average oxcart. Really I think their main issue is gas consumption. When they're not busy filling up with diesel or fueling up the massive V10 engines, I guess they're a little pissed off when a small Japanese import suddenly pulls out and passes them *legally* and *at the speed limit* because they feel I've somehow minimized their manhood. Well get over it assholes, and when I eventually get my WRX STi you better pray to God I never see you. Because then I'll be going the speed limit and NEVER speeding. That seems to piss off even more drivers than ever!

Old Men in Hats
This is another odd sub-group demographic that I have noticed lately that seem to crop up every now and then. You have two types of drivers: The clueless and the road raging douches. As soon as you pass the clueless drivers, they just ignore you (which is fine by me). But the raging douchebags actually will PASS you and then slow down! It absolutely drives me fucking nuts. For some reason they seem to prefer old Lincolns or ancient Cadillacs. 

Nissan Sentra SPEC-V + Chevy Cobalt SS Asshats
It's a very rare day indeed that I have ever met someone driving a Nissan Sentra Spec-V or Chevy Cobalt SS without trying to speed up off red lights or attempting to ride my ass when I'm in the right lane. Don't they know I only have 173 horsepower AND it's all wheel drive? I can't speed up too quick due to the AWD power losses. I refuse all attempts at racing because it's dangerous, illegal, hard on my drive train, and pointless. Those cars are much quicker than my car. My car is built from a WRC Rally car build. I could seriously beat both cars on a twisty hill climb on ice with no problem at all. But the straights? Forget it. 

Shitty Cars Who Can't Keep Up

 The Daewoo Lanos, Chevy Sprints, ancient Honda Civics, ancient VW Golf's, KIA's, Hyundai Accents, and generally anything on the road which is incapable of reaching the speed limit without taking 2x as long as a normal car. I once had a KIA Sephia try and keep up and pass me on the highway going 120 km/hour. Sadly, not only did he get severely dusted, but he seemed to loose 99% of his acceleration once he started to climb a steep hill. And seriously: Who wants to drive behind a fucking piece of shit rust bucket belching blue smokey oil? Not me.

Packs of Speedbikers 

 Very easy to spot these motherfuckers. They all drive Kawasaki Ninja's or maybe the fabled R-1 superbikes. While individually they are not bad drivers at all. It's when they get in packs and decide to weave in and out of traffic lanes like they're running the Laguna Seca race track. I can't stand 'em. You'll usually see them doing illegal wheelies and stoppies along the roadway, driving 2-4 across in a lane, and splitting lanes in areas where it's illegal.

 Taxi Driver Assholes

Although not showing much outward hatred, they get on my nerves by continually driving UNDER the speed limit. And that sets me on such an edge that I need to drop at least four tranquilizers when I get home in order to resist punching holes in my walls. (Kidding). I think the main reason why they drive so slow is because most of these drivers are over the age of 65.

Random Insane Drivers 

I once had this guy tailgate me on the highway (in the right lane - the passing lane was CLEAR). He then got in front of me and SLAMMED on his brakes. I never had a 'brake check' done on my ass before, and I was shocked more than angry. I let it go. Tail gating and getting even with these fuckers is incredibly dangerous - especially if you drive in big cities like Los Angeles. You could get shot for retaliating. I let it go and calmed down. Sometimes the trigger for these psychos is the act of simply passing them on the highway. And that's when they go nuts. My advice: Stay away, calm down, and if threatened, pull out a 9mm handgun or video camera. When driving and you're being tailgated, avoid looking into the rear view mirror or gesturing. This will incense the other driver to no end. Keep a calm head. If the person follows you more than a few blocks - drive immediately to a police station. 

Bus Drivers (Metro Transit)

These cocksuckers sometimes try and beat my car around corners when I need to pass them (legally). They always fail, and when they do, they always tailgate. Just be extremely careful when passing these things - due to their size, they take up a portion of your own lane (when turning right). They really get angry when you pass them, I have no idea why, but from my perspective, it's just a cock war between two cars.

And now for the NICE drivers I have encountered. Believe it or not, some of the nicest drivers I have encountered seemed to be restricted to a few brands. Here we go....

Volvo and Saab Drivers
Maybe because I haven't encountered very many of them, but those that I have were all very courteous and friendly. I wonder if the vast majority of these drivers are at least 60 years old and are tired of being a pompous asshole like everyone was in their 20's and 30's.

Porsche, BMW and Mercedes Drivers
Once a frequent target of my hatred, most if not all Porsche, BMW and Mercedes drivers have treated me very nicely. No tailgating, no honking, no middle finger gestures. It has been very nice to drive with them lately. They used to be on my #1 hate list in the past - but for some reason people have been mellowing out since 9/11 and the roads have indeed become more relaxed. I'd like to thank every one of you Porsche, BMW, and Mercedes drivers for being nicer.

 And that's it for all. Take care people. And please - drive safe. Last note: Are YOU interested in contributing to this web site with a story or rant? Just leave a comment and I'll approve it.



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