Monday, March 30, 2009

Good Riddance Rick Wagoner

When I heard Barack Obama wanted the CEO of General Motors (Rick Wagoner) to step down I heard a little music begin trackin' through my head and I had a skip to my step: This is great news! I wonder what old Wagoner will be doing tomorrow morning when he gets up for his morning coffee? Who cares! He won't be running the largest Automaker into ground zero like he's been doing for 14 years. We all know GM is going to head to bankruptcy in a few months; might as well get rid of the main dead wood now anyway.
Remember, he's the guy who killed the EV1 electric car. He also tainted the North American auto industry with turds such as the Pontiac Aztec, Chevy Cavalier, and the crappy Colorado truck. When you've been king of the mountain for so long, there's going to be a grieving process that will begin. First there will be shock; then anger. Hell, he might even begin spewing quotes of Mike Tyson when he began is road to ruin: "Can I not get a MF'in blow job?"

So I celebrated. Kool & The Gang Celebration played loud while I whistfully remembered the backaches I suffered when I drove those crappy Chevy Cavaliers during my automotive re-education period. But don't worry about poor ol' Wagoner. He's got millions of dollars stashed away and GM stock which he can cash out and rest during the rest of his life. You can be sure his thoughts of retired GM workers will be far, far away when he relaxes in some tropical paradise during the cruel midwest winters.

But wait! I have more evil finger pointing to do! Remember the weasel who is the CEO of Chrysler - oh, what's his name? Ralph Nardelli. He has done basically nothing since getting bailout money from the US and Canadian government - companies which I am supporting even though I don't WANT TO. My damn money is filling these parasites pockets? And for what? Even my friends at Left Lane News are pissed at this guy.

By teaming up with FIAT, one can hope Chrysler will bring over the Fantastic Fiat 500 micro car. But God knows what the hell will happen. I say bankrupt both companies and re-build them from scratch. It's not too late before more billions of taxpayer money is wasted lighting tycoons cigars.

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