Saturday, July 5, 2008

Don't Hate the Ricers........Hate the Game

I really don't have much to say against people who are performance enthusiasts. These people spend money on upgrades such as better suspension, brakes, tires, and so forth. Things not entirely noticeable to the causal observer but immediately detectable to the enthusiast driver. A ricer is a derogatory term I've used before in previous rants. If I offended my 3 readers in the past I apologize; I don't mean to offend anyone of the Asian race.

It merely picks out people who pimp up Asian economy cars such as Honda, Toyota, and Nissan.There's a more broad term called domestic rice. This means that a person who adds, say a huge wing, gaudy interior parts, cold air intakes, and fake hood scoops to domestic autos are guilty of this.The biggest offenders can be found in the common Chevy Cavalier, Dodge Neon, and Ford Focus. Usually these cars will have horrible after-market body kits, coffee can exhaust kits, and the ubiquitous cold air intake / ram air hood scoop combo.Of course, the biggest douche bags are those who just put stickers on their car like "JDM" or any Japanese scripts or manufacturer letters on the windshield.

Who has not seen a huge HONDA or ACURA emblazoned on Civics and Integras? And speaking of Integras... I am sick and tired of seeing these piece of crap Type-R cars (which are 15 years old btw) driven by young punks with backwards baseball caps.Case in point: Today I was going to the smoke shop and as I was walking to it this pimped out Grand Am came through the parking lot with blasting bass. The best part? The bass was so strong it was shaking the car to pieces. Literally. As the guy was driving by you could hear the body panels and pieces of interior rattle to the bass sounds. Obviously a car stereo that was installed by a 12-year old. As the douche bag drove by I mumbled "Not enough bass".

Perhaps the most ridiculous case of blatant lying was this bright blue KIA that had a massive rear wing that resembled a WRX STi. This KIA also had a hood scoop (non-functional), and WRC racing stickers. I just don't get it. It's a fucking KIA. You got a stick of gum in the back pocket that you washed accidentally? That gum is worth more than a KIA after 4 years. Really. You'd be better off burning your money, at least you'd get something out of it. And yes, I passed the KIA in second gear.

Six months ago this guy in a VW GTI was driving down Spring Garden Road. (Or, Skin Garden Road as it's known to the locals). Normally I give creds to folks who drive these nice cars. But this fool had this annoying habit of revving his engine during each forward-creep motion. Traffic was going pretty slow at this point. I mean come on. I was walking on the sidewalk with a friend. I couldn't help it, I had to say something to piss him off. I yelled out "Shoulda got an STi!". The guy flipped out. "This is faster than an STi". I enjoyed this because I knew he was full of shit. WRX STi blows the doors off a GTI, including cornering. Sure, AWD has understeer but you can dial the center differential to put most torque to the rear wheels. (DCCD control).

I saw a 2005 WRX STi the other week in a Tim Hortons parking lot. In the drivers seat was an older guy - say, 50 ish? I gave him the thumbs up. He returned it. The car was silver and looked really good. I like the STi but it is too much car. There is too much tempting power in that car. I drove one last year on a test drive and it is a rocket in the straights and corners. The ride is hard. The rear wing is audacious and over the top. When you buy an STi, you get a free NYC baseball cap that can only be worn backwards.

Just kidding.

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