Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Car Brands to Avoid for 2008

Hyundai - Getting better but still not good enough. Don't let the long warranty fool you. You'll have an easier chance climbing out of the mouth of hell than getting them to honor your warranty.

KIA - Unless you are really cheap, I mean, push-your-mother-to-the-ground to get that dollar cheap, avoid this brand. While it's come up in quality too, the resale value is just terrible. Have you seen 10 year old KIA's on the road? Do they look good? No? Right. Move on then.

Chevy / Ford / Chrysler - All these companies have shoddy build quality and terrible resale values on their vehicles. That's why they recently cut the lease programs for all their vehicles lately. Oh sure, you have the halo cars like the Dodge Viper and the Chevy Corvette ZR-1, and maybe the older Ford GT from 2007 (now defunct). But other than that there isn't much here. Those looking for revival of american muscle cars will be sad to know it won't last long. $7 gas per gallon is coming, so you better be ready for it my bitches.

Hummer - It's pretty bad that when GM offers to sell Hummer, all but one company walks away from the deal. And in the background GM is secretly trying to buy out all the hummer dealer outfits so they can be collapsed like a big shit star.

Suzuki - Do they still make cars? I mean, really. Sure you have the Aerio which was a rather pathetic attempt to grab the sub-compact AWD market (already gobbled up by Subaru btw). They are awful cars. End of discussion.

Jaguar - There's no soul left to the brand. Instead there is this shallow veneer of luxury that just plain looks ridiculous. When I see an old XJ or vandenpass-what-the-fuck on the road, or even the X-type... I wince... If you buy a Jaguar you are either too cheap to by a BMW M3 or would rather be seen in a (gasp) Mercedes-Benz product.

Mercedes benz - Besides the McLaren /AMG edition coupe, there's not much here that interests anyone. Sure, you could buy the ginormous GL-450 truck, but why? I felt ridiculous and over conspicuous when I test drove one a few years ago.

SMART - Ughhh. Just forget it. I could go on - metrosexual styling, the pathetic engine power (lack of), the herky-jerky-neck-thrashing gear changes, and the fact that it's impossible for owners to change their own oil by themselves. If you spent 17K on a SMART Car you obviously aren't, because for that coin you could have bought a decently equipped Honda Civic.

Mazda B2000 - The truck hasn't been redesigned since 1999. Doesn't that say something about it? It has the lowest owner satisfaction rate of all vehicles of ALL TIME. It's a friggen Ford Ranger but without any heart, guts, or class. Buy a Ford Ranger instead if you absolutely must have a small pickup truck.

Porsche Cayenne - It is even more uglier than the B9 Tribeca from Subaru. It goes like stink... especially the turbo S version. But why in the hell would you buy one? At this cost, you could have easily purchased a sensible car like the Porsche 911 Turbo or Carrera S.

Subaru Impreza WRX - Wait until 2009! The 2009 version will offer a GT version which will put out 265 bhp! Don't go for the 2008 model. I'm not a fan of the external cosmetic design either. But if you wait longer, the 2011 model is going to look like an assassin car.

BMW Mini - Don't waste your money. But a used one instead. If you really want a fun small car, just go buy a 2001 Subaru Impreza WRX STi. You can get them direct from Japan, you know! (Just google for it). Those cars are cheap and fast as hell.

Chevy HHR / PT Cruiser - Douchebag edition. These vehicles pain me whenever I see them. No doubt an evil plan on getting even with the Japanese designers. It screams "Give me Xanax!!"

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