Saturday, July 26, 2008

Why Top Gear USA Will Suck Donkeys Balls

If you've ever watched the hilarious BBC Top Gear, you'll know it's an excellent show that features everything under the sun: Crazy races, supercar showdowns, and even foreign assignments to hostile countries. (ie. The alabama show).

These are the shows hosts in the UK version:

Left to right: Richard 'Hamster' Hammond, Jeremey Clarkson, and James 'Captain Slow' May.

Now guess what NBC America is going to use as hosts for the USA version? Oh....wait for it...wait for it...here it comes:
Adam Carolla, Eric Strom, and Tanner Foust. Of the three hosts, only Tanner Foust has experience Rally driving and "Formula D" drifting. (Whether or not drifting can be used to give you credentials, I'm not sure, but at least this guy has RALLY experience). The other two hosts? Douchebags. Remember that show on TLC called "Home Makeover" ? Eric Strom is the carpenter on the show. I've seen this arrogant douche bag on the show a couple of times and let me tell you: Foust and Carolla will succeed in killing the show quicker than a Thai hooker going down on a Saturday night special.

I've never found Adam Carolla funny. In fact I secretly hope that if anyone ever yells "Adam............Carolla!" on the USA Top Gear Show, someone off camera will swing a 2x4 into his head. And in trying to reproduce the UK's show, instead of using a Daewoo product they're going to use a KIA RIO as the "Star in the reasonably priced car" segment. I'm sorry folks......but the KIA RIO is a stinking pile of dog shit. Why couldn't they at least get a Hyundai Tiberon or a Daewoo Kalos / Chevy Aveo? Or maybe a base Subaru or Toyota Corolla?

NBC claims that this show will have 'absolutely no manufacturer bias' but we all know that's bullshit. In the UK Top Gear is on the BBC air - which is free of advertisers. Do you think for one second that if NBC is going to lose an advertising deal to Ford, GM, Chrysler, etc, that they will not have their hosts "go easy" on the reviews of such said cars? If you were making hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising revenue.... wouldn't you do the same?

It's ludicrous to think this show has any hope. It doesn't. Can you guess who the first "star" will be in the "reasonably priced car" episode? Howie fucking Mandell. Shouldn't he be busy polishing his dome and hosting Deal or No Deal? Imagine the torture of listening to Howie Mandel's tiny guy comedy line while he drives the Kia Rio through their track.

Do you really want to know what the fuck I think about Top Gear USA? Do you give a shit? I don't. So here goes:

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